king and lionheart

last night i thought that i would have the luxury to wake up to no alarms the next morning but no, my neighbour's drillings had to prove otherwise. but well, i did climb out of bed after nearly 10hours of sleep in the end ha ha sloth, they say.

this morning i convinced myself to head to the gym despite every fiber in my body fighting against it. Guess i succeeded in the mind>body bullshit yeah? Oh, but i died after 2.4km. Maybe the body still takes sole control after all i could feel my heart pounding so hard it seeemed to be aiming to crush my chest with its persistence and so i chose to save myself. i stopped. the weak tryna work towards achieveing some strength previously known. Yeah previously like half a year ago maybe. owells

Now that i have all the time in the world on my hands, i realised.. it may not be used to be around people afterall. This whole 8months holiday thing may seem to be the impetus to catchup with my friends, solidify some friendships that were previously neglected and form new ones that should be formed. But.. maybe.. just maybe retreating into one's own bubble of solitude may be more attractive, since there you wouldnt have to use an ounce of effort. effort. ha ha i really detest that word its almost as if...ok nevermind. It just contradicts my ''slacker'' stance.

then and again, i may very well change my mind the next morning i open my eyes, and seek to find the fun others can provide me with since... i really do have alot of time for everything. i cant make up my mind. Or maybe i should draw up some new goals to work towards to... though im almost sure that the ''goals'' are just repetition of the ones i failed to achieve over the years and i quietly hoped for it to be a thing of the distant past, buried in the sands of time. but the excess of time provides the reason to return to the route of achieving them. hmm we'll see.

that aside, i really miss hanging out with my girls. my sweet bitchy group of dunearn girls that fell into the porthole i dug for them from my ''lack of life'' due to the ''hectic'' jc life i had. i could really use some laughter, juvenile bitchiness and be myself around people that i love. but what is myself, really. Okay, time to devour ''girl with a pearl earring'' i hope its a good read :')