what is this, this feeling of inadequacy. this feeling of nothingness creeping up from all sides coming at me in every direction.
what is this, this myriad of feelings mashed up together forming a cloud of confusion like the morning fog blurring out your vision.

maybe im only an animation.

or atleast i feel like one.

why would i invest in a time bomb, a lost cause, an unattainable dream. why was i given the privilege to experience that momentary satisfaction of living a dream only to have it vanish in a blink of an eye. Just like that, forever gone. Forever.

The bigger question is, why did i. Why did i knowingly dig up my own pit hole and dive straight down.
Maybe 3 years down the road i'd realise that these ''whys'' didnt matter, or the 18year old me along with her choices chained to the consequences didnt matter. Then and again, hasn't my life always been a series of realistically unimportant crushed dreams so really, why am i surprised.